One of those days

Today is one of those days. One of those days where everything seems grey. Hold on, it is fucking grey. There is heavy rainclouds and they're grey. Everywhere you look: Grey. It feels like the heavy clouds pushes everything down to the ground. My shoulders and my mood.

It's one of those days where I'd like to pack my backpack and leave everything behind. Travel the world for some months. No facebook. God, I wish I would spend less time on Facebook. It might be easier then to relate to other people in real life. Why not just spend less time on facebook then? why not drink less and spend less money when that is what I also need? Why is it so difficult to be the change I want to be.

Today is one of the days where it becomes clear that I actually have changed, but in a less good manner. I tend to blame other people for when I am not feeling well. I lock it up inside and yet it comes out in a passive aggressive manner. "If only he or she [something]". "S/he will leave me anyway". "Who can love me anyway". It is a strange mixture of self-loathing, self-hating, low-self-confidence (blaming me) and blaming others.

I feel I have changed. It is more difficult for me to cope with changes and new situations and especially new people. My memory is not good. My stress-level is low. I don't know what to do. I have no idea. Hvad skal jeg stille op? It's like so many people have more difficulties relating to other people in real life. Maybe it is because there's so many of us (people)

Random thoughts. Pretty open blog. Now back to work.